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My Transgender Girlfriend Does NOT Have Sex With Me Anymore

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz

To a lot of people, sex is the barometer of a relationship’s status. If a relationship has no intimacy anymore, is it still considered a healthy relationship? Sure, a relationship can exist without sex, most especially if the couple is at the age when companionship can suffice.

But what happens if your transgender girlfriend is quite young and starts to reject your intimate needs? Are you at fault? Does she still love you? A lot of questions will be playing in your head, hence, this guide was created. If you want to know the best possible reasons why she does not want to have sex with you anymore, keep reading.

How Transgender Women Have Sex

Before answering your question, you first must be aware of the fundamentals. All transwomen don’t share the same sexual preferences. Furthermore, other transwomen can’t simply perform the way others can because of various factors.

Cyril and Maki


The non-op transwoman is someone who has not undergone sex reassignment surgery (SRS). She is also someone who’s not considering getting it. However, this does not mean that she’s less of a woman than her other trans counterparts.

A lot of non-op transwomen can be versatile and tops. This is because they’re not undergoing hormone replacement therapy (HRT). However, this does not mean that she can’t be purely bottom. Just know that if you are looking for a top or a versatile partner, a non-op transwoman is your best bet.


Most pre-op transsexual women are planning to undergo SRS. The majority of them are also undergoing HRT. However, some also prefer the label because they’re undergoing HRT (for the feminizing effects) but are not interested in SRS. It’s possible that there are versatile and top pre-op transwomen but the medication can prove to be a hindrance for them to perform well.


A post-op transsexual woman is someone who has already undergone SRS. She is mostly bottom and can only top you if she does pegging (penetrating someone using an object). If you are the submissive type, she is not the ideal type of transwoman for you.

Possible Reasons Why She’s NOT Having Sex With You

It’s time to move on as to why she’s not having sex with you. Don’t be daunted. Even if some of the things here apply to you, there’s always a solution. If you really love her, it’s best to get to know her better, rather than come up with silly conclusions that may destroy your relationship.

She isn’t comfortable with her current genitalia

This may sound like the classic phrase “It’s not you, it’s me”. But in this situation, she’s telling the truth. A lot of transgender women are not comfortable with having a penis. This is why they don’t like to be intimate with men. Some of them don’t even want to touch or look at their own penises.

Flowers under the underwear

Many transwomen have enhanced levels of gender dysphoria. To them, having a penis is a curse and they don’t want it to be associated with them. If she feels this way, the only solution is for her to undergo SRS. However, this could prove a problem to you most especially if you’re into a transwoman who’s fully functional.

Your sexual role preference is the same as hers

If you’re both versatile, there’s no problem. However, if both of you are pure tops or pure bottoms, that’s where the conundrum enters. She doesn’t want to have sex with you because she simply isn’t enjoying what you’re doing with her. Sexual compatibility is very important most especially in the beginning stages of the relationship.

couple having sex

The best way to solve this is by both of you learning and living the word COMPROMISE. You guys can switch roles. For example, she can be the bottom this week and you can take her place next week.

You have certain kinks that she’s not comfortable with

A lot of men in trans dating sites have obscure fetishes. This is why it’s very hard for a trans woman to find love in the dating world. They often get bombarded with men who talk about their kinks from the get-go.

dominant woman

However, you must know that not because she’s not “mainstream” equates to her being open to just about everything. If she isn’t into punishment, roleplaying, scatting, spitting, golden showers, leather, lace, stockings, etc., she will find having sex with you distasteful.

She doesn’t want her libido to affect her HRT

Ejaculation increases a transwoman’s testosterone levels very briefly. However, the common misconception that a lot of transwomen have is that if they cum, the efficacy of their medication will be lessened and they will start ricocheting back to a man.

a woman taking a pill

This is why a lot of pre-op transwomen don’t want to receive oral sex or top their partners. If she’s okay with using her penis but not okay with the thought of looking like a man, you have to be persuasive and show her well-informed articles talking about how ejaculating does not affect male-to-female HRT effects.

Lowered sex drive because of hormones

Sadly, very low testosterone may affect the libido of an individual. If she’s self-medicating or her doctor gave her a dose that reduces her testosterone levels drastically, she may not be interested in having sex. There is nothing you can do about this unless she decides to tweak her medication.

What to Do

Having sex with a transgender woman can be tough most especially if drugs interfere. However, if the relationship is worth fighting for, you must do something. At the end of the day, even if things go left, you won’t regret anything.

happy couple


Nothing beats conversation in terms of fixing a relationship. Just be sure that you do it in an educated and calm way. Arguments and ultimatums should be avoided when you’re trying to communicate with her. Make her feel loved and comfortable, then ask her why she’s not having sex with you anymore.


If the two of you truly love each other, compromise won’t feel like a hard task. Only people who are in love will feel the need to do everything to make a relationship work. Unless both of you are willing to do this, you’re just not meant for each other.


However, no amount of conversation and compromise can result in compatibility. You have all the time in the world to look for the perfect fit. Don’t just settle for the sake of settling. Get to know a person for an ample amount of time first before committing yourself.

This is the best way to avoid all of these caveats in the future. My Transsexual Date has made dating easier for everyone who’s seeking a trans-oriented relationship. If you don’t have an account yet, it’s time to make wiser decisions.

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About the author

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
Just a random trans woman playing with makeup and skincare. Loves bacon and the operating table. I'm also the author of the dating guide book Dating Transgender Women for Gentlemen. Know more ->

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