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Why do Transgender Women call me Insensitive?

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz

Have you been interacting with transgender women? Are you surprised because a lot of them make a comment about your insensitivity? Don’t take it too personally. Being a beginner is not an unfamiliar feat to everyone.

If you want to hear this comment less, you have to learn more about transgender women. This doesn’t only entail studying their anatomy or the science behind transgenderism. You must know more about the social aspects of their lives. If you don’t want to offend them anymore, keep reading.

What is an Insensitive Person?

Insensitive is a word that often describes a person who is apathetic towards others’ feelings.  Insensitive people are usually the ones who won’t spend time in their day to learn about why others feel certain emotions. They’re also called jerks and a-holes more colloquially.

However, a lot of people often confuse insensitivity with naivety and obliviousness. Not because a person doesn’t have wide knowledge about a certain topic means that they’re automatically insensitive. A lot of them are willing to learn but just lack proper education.


Insensitivity is usually detected by words. It’s the easiest way to determine if a person’s a jerk or not. Some people, even if they’re aware of how words can negatively impact others’ emotions, still continue using these words. The words fat, ugly, bitch, etc. often make it to the list.

scrabble words

However, when it comes to transgender women, you should never use certain words that could affect them negatively. Don’t call them tranny, trap, shemale, crossdresser, male, “still a boy”, he-she, and more.

These words don’t define who they are and are what commonly offend their womanhood. A transgender woman is a woman. You don’t have to complicate things. Just address her properly for the woman she is.


Other people still have the notion at the back of their heads that transgender women are not “fully women”. This results in them, subconsciously treating transgender women without chivalry. If you’re a man, it’s very important for you to treat her like the lady she is.

cendrillon shoes

Don’t make her carry heavy things or pull her chair on her own. Yes, equality is vital but still, a lot of transgender women are hyper-feminine and it would be more appropriate if you treat her the way you treat cisgender women. By doing so, you will make her feel like you understand who she’s all about and you’re showing how inclusive you are to her.


A lot of guys like to make false promises to transgender women. The gravest mistake that they do is to tell her that they’ll treat her like a lady when they meet but in reality, the opposite happens. Some of them won’t even be caught dead to be on a public date with a trans woman.

wife and husband

If you’re still testing the waters, you must tell her from the get-go. Don’t increase her expectations when you’re not in a certain place yet. Added to that, when in a relationship, men like to promise that they have no issues in being with her. However, months will pass and these guys have not even introduced her to a single friend yet.

This becomes more brutal when the guy promises that his family is accepting of his relationship with a transgender woman when the truth is… he hasn’t even told them about her yet.

How to be a Sensitive Man

If you want to be a sensitive man, you must know how to read between the lines. You must also have a better understanding of subtle communication rather than something more obvious. Transgender women don’t like being in problematic relationships because they’ve already experienced a lot of drama in their lives.

They deserve a man who knows what, where, when, and how to do things, without her, having to educate him on a daily basis.

Words Again

The things that you are to avoid saying are already listed in the first section. When it comes to speaking with a transgender woman, you must also not commit the foolery of comparing her looks with other women. This doesn’t matter if you compare her to a cisgender or a transgender woman. Don’t EVER do this.

happy couple

You see, a lot of transgender women have been bullied for their looks. It is not wise because not everyone’s transition is the same. Don’t encourage her to be more feminine, curvy, less muscular, etc. Most commonly, nuances between the physicality of cisgender and transgender women will exist. Not all transgender women have the ability to look as passable as the trans models you see on the internet.

Added to that, don’t expect her to have the same sexual role with the pornstars that you often watch. Not all transgender women can be versatile or power tops. Learn how to separate fantasy from reality.

Actions Again

A lot of ignorant people like to say things like “Oh, you still have the strength of a man” as a compliment. However, this is invalidating of someone’s gender. This also discounts transgender women who are transitioning medically and have the same hormone levels as a cisgender woman.

men offer flower to women

Don’t expect her to do the heavy load for you. If she offers to help and says that she can do a certain task, let her. However, don’t oblige her to do things just because you think she is stronger than cisgender women.


Lastly, all of the things listed in this guide won’t work if you don’t have empathy. Empathy is the main requirement in becoming a sensitive person. If you don’t have a fragment of this on your bone, you’re probably going to be called insensitive for the rest of your life.

Rainbow hands

To truly know someone, you have to be in their shoes. Don’t just thrive with being sympathetic and making no effort at all. Truly know where they’re coming from and you’ll surely have a great relationship with them, be it in a platonic or romantic way.

Did you learn anything about this guide? Kindly share it on your timeline.

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About the author

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
Just a random trans woman playing with makeup and skincare. Loves bacon and the operating table. I'm also the author of the dating guide book Dating Transgender Women for Gentlemen. Know more ->

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